Talking to Men about Mental Health

By Sarah Johnson, M.D.

While
visiting with my dad for Father’s Day last month, I was inspired to write about
the importance of talking to the male species about mental health. When I was a
medical student coming home over Christmas (hyper-vigilant about all
potential medical issues as most med students are), I noticed a mole on my
father’s forehead that looked cancerous to my post-dermatology rotation eyes. After
nearly a year of “reminders” to go to the doctor and have it checked, he
finally agreed and luckily it was benign.

Now
that I’m a psychiatrist, I often get calls from patients and friends who are
worried about the mental health of men in their lives (fathers, husbands, boyfriends, brothers, friends) but have met resistance when trying to talk about their concerns with these men.

Reflecting
on my personal challenge of getting one of the important men in my life to have
something as minor and non-stigmatized as a mole checked out, I would like to
offer some suggestions to help start the mental health conversation with a man
or anyone you believe may be suffering from a mental illness.

• Use “I” statements. People are
  less likely to feel attacked and be open to suggestions when approached with
  “I” statements. For example, “I am concerned that you seem down, and I would
  like for you to consider seeing a counselor because I care about you,” instead
  of “You seem depressed and need to see someone.”

• Present mental health
  conditions such as anxiety and depression as medical conditions - which they
  are (your brain is part of your body). Unfortunately, many individuals
  stigmatize mental illness and do not like to see themselves as suffering from
  one. One of my favorite questions to ask those who resist getting care for
  their mental health is, “Would you seek help for high blood pressure or
  diabetes?” Of course you would!

• Offer factual evidence regarding
  mental health conditions. Many patient resources are available at www.psychiatry.org/mentalhealth (check out the Let’s Talk Facts brochures you can print). It is helpful to realize that psychiatric
  conditions are common. Remind him that he’s not alone.

• Be encouraging and reassure him that he won't be seen as “less of a man” if he seeks
  help. Seeking help is a sign of strength.

• Ask him to consider
  seeking help rather than telling him. Most people are more likely to
  follow through with a task they view as unpleasant when they are asked rather than told.

• Be mindful and also take care
  of your own mental health needs. It can be very stressful and tiring to be close to someone suffering from an untreated mental illness. Use your family and
  friends for support and don’t be afraid to seek help yourself if you find
  you’re struggling with excessive worry.

We are lucky to live in a time when there are effective treatments readily available for mental health disorders. Try these tips the next time you start the mental health conversation with the important men in your life. Your support and care can
make a big difference in his recovery. 

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